Reading Response on "Ashes" by Susan Beth Pfeffer

Most kids in divorced families are put into positions where they feel like they need to choose one parent over the other. "Ashes" by Susan Beth Pfeffer is about being torn between a girl’s mom and dad, as to whom she can trust more and whom she will betray. Ashleigh has been put into a position in which she feels like she has to choose one or the other. Her dad has been manipulating her, but gives her his dreams. Her mom is level-headed and hard-working, but always there.

Ashleigh’s mom is very responsible.  In her mom’s life, readiness is everything. There are a lot of rainy days. “She takes a grim sort of pleasure in being ready for[the rainy days]. The extra quarters when the laundry isn’t quite dry, the flashlight with working batteries for a blackout, a gift-wrapped bottle of wine for the unexpected-and unwanted- Christmas guest,” as Ashleigh narrates in one passage. Her mom’s purpose behind this is that if the worst-case scenario happened, and she lost her job, or got robbed on the subway, that she would have money until she had figured everything out.

She cares not only for herself, but also for others.  One part of the story is about how her mom’s house is a little brighter when she is there, even without the lights on, and her pocketbook is always stuffed with tampons and tissues for anyone who might need them. Her dad, however, makes fun of her mom by saying that “A good dream is worth a thousand flashlight batteries.” He wants her to think that being like her mom is a bad thing to manipulate her, so that he can get the money he owes for something worth 200 dollars. Because of the way her mother is down-to-earth and Ashleigh has her feet on the ground and her head in the sky, Ashleigh believes that her mom never gives Ashleigh hopes or dreams or wishes.

On the contrary, dreams are all her dad can really give her. He has never been quite reliable. He calls her empty, sweet nothings and promises her impossible things like “the stars for a necklace.” But like most of his promises, that one ”never quite happened.”  That was what he used to promise Ashleigh when she was little, showing that this false hope has been going on for a long time. The problem is that she really wants him to keep saying these things because she wants to believe him and believe in him. Also, he says he is a generous person, “helping old ladies across the street” or “returning purses to the owner”, but that never brought in the big bucks,as he would rather like to put it. Her mom’s way of putting that is that he is “an irresponsible bum.”

Ashleigh is a little bit like both of her parents. She is the one making sure her dad can afford the diner, she does her homework while waiting for him to eventually show up, she wants him to pay the child support-- and yet she wants her mom to give her an empty compliment once in a while. She notices, though, when she is being told her mom is going to stop her from being all she can be. She knows that she is being manipulated by her dad. She just doesn’t want to feel like she jeopardized their relationship. She also finds it easier to believe in her mom than her dad.  Therefore, he could probably not be able to support her on his own.

It is her father’s responsibility to take care of his own money, and he shouldn’t burden his daughter with the conscience of betraying her own mother, as no father should. As Ashleigh’s mom puts it, he is a “irresponsible bum.” He even praises her as soon as she offers her help, with even more nothings, like, “You’re ten thousand times better than I deserve, Ashes.” The decision that Ashleigh has to face  also multiplies the tension between her dad and her mom.

This strife that has been going on in Ashleigh’s mind is a lot like what I’ve been going through as well. That is what’s making me so empathetic towards the way she is faced with a ridiculously hard decision she shouldn’t be forced  to make. I myself have made the same decision, except in my case, there was a court involved instead of robbery. It’s one of the most damaging experiences of my life. Both parents manipulate her to get back at the other parent, and constantly you are forced to notice one parent’s evil and the other parent’s goodness, having to ignore all of yourself that tells you otherwise.

I believe that what Ashleigh needs is a little bit of safety, but not to the extreme where she never feels challenged. She also needs  imagination, practicality, and hopes that she can make reality with planning. After all, both her mom and dad are good people. Her dad even called her a “Fine woman.” That will give her the best of both worlds, but also help her realize that neither of her parents are better than the other, because they’re so different. The outcome of her decision, from a literary viewpoint, is that she will choose her mother, because in the moment, her mom seems nicer and “brighter” to her than her dad. But from a reality standpoint, nobody but the author, Susan Beth Pfeffer, will ever know.

(Mathilde Jochum, 802)